Good morning! Whoooo’s hungry? No, I mean really hungry? Sincerely hungry? Anybody?

My contribution to the Sandwich Party: French Toast Sandwiches with Apparently Candied Pears. Because I hate how my heart beats so regularly, and also, how little sugar I ingest in a single sitting. Two birds, one stone, I say.

Following is the recipe I cribbed from realsimple.com, cut-down for one (or two servings, if you want room to eat anything else today) and modified a weensy bit when I looked at what we actually had on hand, grocery-wise.

Jim’s OhMyGOD Who’s Going to Eat All This? French Toast Sammiches (with Pears! Healthy!)

Makes 2 Sandwiches, takes about 15 minutes of cook time, probably another half hour of clean-up, if you’re me.

You will need:

2 TBS + 1 TBS butter/margarine – salted, unsalted, take your pick

1 TBS brown sugar

Enough of any sliced fruit to cover two sandwiches – I ended up using half a can of pears, although last time I used peaches, and it worked as well each time. I would imagine any softish fruit would work okay.

A dash of Milk or heavy cream (about a TBS)

4 Slices of day-old bread – any kind, and actually, any age will do, as long as it’s sturdy enough to not disintegrate in the pan

2 eggs

1/8 tsp ground cinnamon

However you normally dress your French Toast: Syrup, Powdered Sugar, Bite-Sized Snickers, Bacos, whatever.

Every dish in the house (or, at least, 1 frying pan, 1 pot, 1 shallow bowl, and various spoons and spatulae)

Procedure:

1. Sneak into kitchen without waking significant other/pets.

2. In small pot, heat 2 TBS of butter over medium-low heat until it’s melted and bubbling a little.

3. Stir in TBS of brown sugar. Stir lackadaisically for 30 seconds, until it’s dissolved.

4. Add in fruit. Crank heat to medium-HI, and stir the bejeezus out of the thing for three minutes.

5. Stir in dash of milk. Let the whole thing cook for another two minutes while you rustle up the eggs from the fridge. Transfer contents of pot to a bowl big enough to hold everything. Stare, fascinated, at bowl of sugary goodness. Resist eating it first.

6. Lay out two of the slices of bread. Spoon fruit mixture into the center of the slices, enough to cover, but not enough to spill out over the sides when you flip the thing over. Cover with remaining two slices of bread, and mush down so everything sort of sticks together. This will make flipping easier.

7. In a shallow bowl, beat your two eggs and cinnamon. Realize you don’t know where the whisk is, and use a fork if you have to. Thrill in the accomplishment of not getting a single piece of shell in there. Beat until uniformly yellowish, with brown specks.

8. Get your frying pan going, melting the remaining TBS of butter over medium heat.

9. While that’s going, plop one of your sandwiches into the egg mixture. Let that soak in a little. Flip to soak on the other side. Once you’ve decided there’s enough eggy goodness in there, and the butter is melted, transfer your first sandwich into the frying pan like the champ you are.

10. Fry your sandwich until the egg appears to be golden-brown done – 3 or 4 minutes a side. Feel free to lift while cooking to make sure. Repeat with remaining sandwich. Feel your stomach sink as you realize that you’re making a WHOLE LOT OF FRENCH TOAST.

11. Plate your sandwich. Top with anything you like (shown: the aftereffects of maple syrup and throwing confectioner’s sugar from across the room). Photograph for posterity.

12. You don’t deserve that delicious breakfast yet. Be a winner – transfer your pots and pans to the sink, at least, for god’s sake, and wipe up after yourself, you gross pig. Also, be quiet, as significant other/pets are still sleeping, surprisingly, even after all the swearing and clanking and with the smell of baking cinnamon and eggs hanging in the air.

13. Settle down for at least 20 minutes’ worth of good solid breakfast. Better eat it now, because at minute 21, these suckers turn to cold, disappointing rubber. Serve with coffee and indifference. Eat until just before stomach becomes distended.